They are like those jittery critters 

Creepy critters, but cute 

Cute creepy critters

Jumping in jovial joy

I suppose they’re usually called butterflies

Inside the stomach of an adolescent girl watching some impending event 

It’s probably some boy, some symbol of synchronized similarity 

That this is real 

That is a past that hurts —

It hurts to return by words, or to have him talk to me about it 

There seems to be a struggle with words as I attempt to put something down 

There is little eloquence that comes with that facile wave of a graceful wand painting letters of nothing 

And pretending there is meaning

Tonight I am staring at this screen — wondering whether this frilly type of worry is healthy 

I am not too certain what fits best as an expatiation of the beautiful ineffability, I merely continue to efface side after side until something sounds fine 

So there lies little assurance that the stupid teenage girl can be okay, that she can exist like a distant ghost hovers above a soul — as that has been spoken it rests as some haunting — I don’t want that certainly 

Certainly certainly 

I think I want the days to just pass 

So that he may meet my family and I may meet his 

So that some desicion of certainty may be made 

So that I can grow up and feel at ease that

If not escape here then there 

Patience isn’t from me, nothing is I must be certain 

Ah, I cannot formulate words 

I am so certainly stupidly excited. 
endnote: this feature photo is my art and photography 


This Is Tough

To the past few posts that were solely built on personal experience and clenching thoughts, I apologize. I know I said I was going to drench this thing with wincing humor, satirical teas and cool information to pretend as though I have some form of intelligence — but things are tough. 

I suppose when “things” are tough, optimally, all forms of patience and silence may be preferred. And I can’t really know why but it’s some secret purification that constructs a seal, shattered if divulged, maybe. I don’t know. I guess from far away, strong hearts always seem so capable. They look composed and wise, and their “things” are sure to be tougher than anyone. I think that picture is how I want to be when “things” are the way they are. But I don’t know anything about it. 

I do not swim in some squander or effort that evaporates — I am just afraid that time is dripping down from my fingertips the same way the last droplets of water do when I’m done washing them. There are so few of them left, I can’t exactly pinpoint how much or know when I’m to wash my hands again but right now they’re slipping away into the sink of charcoal. I think that’s how it is. 

I have become so much more ambivalent about my decisions — my mind shivers at ideas sometimes. There is so much left to learn. There is still so freaking much left to learn. And I haven’t even commenced a proper process — I have only been vascillating a convoluted confusion, weighing options and choices and not lucidly comprehending their consequences. I suppose I never used to comprehend much at all. It’s true, you know, how environment shapes almost everything — it shaped my charlatan facade, where I had assumed that I understood behavior because I read a few pages and listened to a few people. 

This is tough. The point is this is really tough. And it’s not because I don’t know what to do. God has blessed me with guides and I know what’s to be done. I just can’t understand why yet I guess. But it’s tough. 

I’m assuming objectively all these stupid words seem exactly that: stupid. I hope they are. I hope I can look back at this with that strong “wise” and quiet heart that I see glistening from far away. And I don’t want that balance for this life. I don’t think I can want things like that anymore — this is for what is after. I am blessed to have detanglerizers next to me. I am blessed to have the heart I do. This is tough but I am blessed. 

I think that was the purpose of this — a quiet imbued with thoughts that are translated inaccurately. And so it is only tough by perception — and if it is not then I still win prizes of patience. Be patient be patient be patient. The heaven you desire is to all who can be patient. This is tough — be patient. 


Disclaimer: This is a little reminiscent of my CWM series, but remains separate from it in various ways. Who cares anyway, right? I didn’t wish it so, but most of this is a played out reality. It reads a lot more melancholic than it is now — these are my thoughts spelled out as amateur analyses of memories I don’t want to completely let go of yet. And isn’t that what evincing is for? Continue reading “Ma”

Article — Ancient Egypt

Slug: Ancient Egypt                                                                                           Fatimah Badawy



CAIRO, Egypt, Nov. 24th – How old do you think one has to be to be fit for rule of an entire empire? Twenty-five? Thirty? Fifty? And how strong do you have to be to maintain your position of power? It probably makes most sense to be old with experience and powerful with command to rule your people. But somehow, that wasn’t the case with Ancient Egyptians. Their rulers proved that power wasn’t just in appearance and perhaps wisdom developed early in their generations because King Tutankhamen was nine years old when he wore the crown of the king.

Genetic testing revealed that he was the grandson of the pharaoh Amenhotep II, and the son of Akhenaten of Egypt’s New Kingdom circa 1550 B.C. Before Akhenaten’s reign ended, he had reversed many of the ancient religious systems of the Egyptians, favoring the worship of a single god rather than continue with their known polytheism. That changed when King Tut, known as Tutankhaten as a prince, after his father for ten years before his death at the age of 19, around 1324 B.C.

King Tut’s reign was unlike his fathers in many respects. He returned his people to the worship of many gods and reminded them of their centuries old culture. These efforts of his were not unnoticed – he was honored and loved for it all.

However, research revealed that this formidable pharaoh of Ancient Egypt was most likely living with many disorders that weakened and eventually killed his immune system. The research indicated that the king had clubfoot and most likely walked with a cane. Other scans and genetic fingerprinting showed that he had several disorders that made his immune system vulnerable to any attacks.

It seems almost ironic that someone in the position of so much power was so weak, but King Tut proved that power didn’t necessarily need to come in physical form.

“I think at the moment we did not even want to break the seal [on the inner chamber of the tomb of Tutankhamen], for a feeling of intrusion had descended heavily upon us…. We felt that we were in the presence of the dead King and must do him reverence, and in imagination could see the doors of the successive shrines open one after the other till the innermost disclosed the King himself,” British Archeologist Howard Carter said in 1922.

King Tut commanded his veneration even thousands of years later in his tomb – if that’s not power of a successfully ruling king, then what is?

Article — Halloween

Slug: Halloween                                                                                                 Fatimah Badawy




CAIRO, Egypt, Nov 10th – Another scream emanates from the child’s mouth and this time the neighbors most likely heard. He stomps his feet and commands, “I need my batman costume, now!” His mother sways back and forth ambivalently trying to calm her son down, but it’s useless – she has to go out right now and get him that costume before the entire house virtually explodes.

Halloween season means dress-up season – especially for the little ones, but how much dressing-up can one child need on one day of the entire year?

Schools in Egypt with the American system as their main curriculum have sent out invitations to all families inviting their children to dress as their favorite characters and prepare for a ‘Happy Halloween’ day at school, a student at the American International School of Egypt said.

But this invitation didn’t bode too well with the kids that insisted on participating.

“It’s all just a waste of time,” a mother of a five-year-old said. She described how last year all he wanted was to be Ben-10 for Halloween, but this year it was Batman. The mother sighs as she speaks of waiting for what he will want to be next year.

Families struggling with other finances are forced into following through with participating in Halloween this year, with children having temper tantrums if these commands aren’t fulfilled.

“It’s funny how my parents have to make space for costumes now, that’s how big the schools have made Halloween,” one of the sisters of a child attending NIS said.

The American system schools give students a day off from any studying and allow them to participate in activities like reading ghost stories in English class, or having pumpkin crafts in Art class.

Despite Halloween being adopted by these schools today as a secular, community-based event today with child-friendly activities, its origins were indeed quite different. The night of Halloween in pre-Roman times marked the end of summer and the start of the dark and cold winter, which at that time was a time of year that was associated with lots of human death. The night was named All Hallows’ Eve.

On that night, which was the night before the new year 2,000 years ago, the Celts believed that the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred, and that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. So, as a preemptive measure, on the night before the new year, which was October 31st, the people would dress in costumes to ward off the roaming ghosts – and thus began the ritual of dressing up on the night of All Hallows’ Eve.

“Some folklorists have detected its origins in the Roman feast of Pomona, the goddess of fruits and seeds, or in the festival of the dead called Parentalia, it is more typically linked to the Celtic festival of Samhain, which comes from the Old Irish for ‘summer’s end’,” Historian, Nicholas Rogers said.

And so it has been made clear that we have adopted what was a very scary religious ritual and transformed it into a night of activities and thrilling fun. In Egypt, American schools have set it as an official holiday where the students can enjoy an entire day related to Halloween. Perhaps for History class, these American schools should teach about the origins of All Hallows’ Eve.

Article #1: What Is Religious Freedom?

I have joined my University’s magazine as an editor. For the first issue, they’ve allowed me to participate as a writer. The theme everyone chose was ‘Religion’, and after observing a huge amount of negativity on everything that has to do with that topic, I decided to write this piece. I only hope that they won’t shift or remove any of this during publication — but I have decided to post it on my favorite platform nonetheless. This is probably the most passionate I have been about writing in a long time. [Guys, I swear I wrote this in half an hour. It’s the passion, I tell you!] Continue reading “Article #1: What Is Religious Freedom?”