CWM: “Noises Of Security”

This piece was alluded to in a really early post of mine, if you remember it then I’m giving you a virtual high-five right now because you’re awesome. This was first published on June 4, 2016.

“hey you good morning”

“good morning haha; i just had a thought”

“tell me”

“and it’s so strange i don’t know if i’ll be able to like lay it out properly, but it’s such a wonderful thought”

“i’m sure you will”

“okay, so

if i am looking back on my life as a child i think of the really minute moments that mean so much now. so i think of my little head on my little pillow listening to my mother as she brushed her teeth: and i feel safe

i think of the sounds my father would make in the morning as he rummaged to go to work. i remember the sound of the shower and the sound of him shaving, and the subdued light of dawn peeking into my room from the windows: and i feel safe

and as i got older my mind was almost conditioned to remember that safety as it listened to similar sounds; i’ve learned about it in psychology actually, it’s called a discriminative stimulus that generalizes, where the human responds, or in my case feels, the same way he/she would if they were in the actual situation

anyways, a certain period of my life ago, a few years ago i’d say, those noises had come to a stop and me and my family’s lives had all changed —

and my mind would subtly remind me of those sounds, how quiet they were, how warm they felt

and i would feel so much sorrow because i couldn’t reach that security anymore. it was like i was that little kid again stretching her arms out to reach the sun — hopeless

and i know it sounds childish, even a little frivolous; but there was a period in my life where i longed for noises, just those certain noises

and yesterday i realized something.

after reaching another iconic point in my life, i’m not sure when or what it is exactly, but i’ve reached it — i’ve almost started compensating for my need for the noises of safety by emitting them myself

i would catch myself listening to the noise of my toothbrush doing its work and to the quiet but secure sound of me brewing myself some tea like my mother did every night

and i swear it is as if i can see the security emanating out of me like bright rays of sunshine flowing inside a room in the afternoon

or like energy transcending — yes, it was transcending

i don’t know i thought i should share that thought with you because i find it so amazing. it’s amazing how my mind has turned something that used to rip my heart apart into something so surreal

i wonder if my parents knew how much security they were imbuing me with as they made their noises; i think i’ll tell them about it one day, and i know i’ll my kids about it too —

how noises changed my life.”

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6 thoughts on “CWM: “Noises Of Security”

  1. I liked your article as it took me back in time to more peaceful days and reminded me of thoughts that made me feel all was right with the world. I could smell the sweetness of the pastries my grandmother would bring when she visited on a Thursday night, the freshness in the air after a good rain as we floated twigs down the gutter outside our home (these twigs were our boats as we couldn’t afford real toys), the smell of hot bread I used to bring home from the Italian bakery near our home during my break, and many other thoughts. Yes, when one thinks back, we can remember and visualize safer times.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What a lovely comment, thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. It really is a spectacular thing to have a mind so powerful, that the act of remembering something intangible still can instill certain emotions in us. If you’d like, you could join my SWOS challenge for this post and write up your own version on noises of security. If you decide to write something up please link this post so I can find it, like and share!

      Like

  2. Thank you for evoking my own comfort noises. I remember being half asleep listening to my parent’s hushed voices in the morning and the gentle clanging of pans on the weekends when they cooked breakfast. My parents divorced, and I won’t ever hear those voices conversing in the morning again. But it lives in my memory. Thank you for this post. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rachel, truly your comment filled me with so much bittersweetness. I don’t think we can ever forget these noises, we’ll continue carrying them with us. I hope you can fill your child’s heart with the love and comfort you used to feel with your family. It’s all a learning experience, isn’t it? That’s why we’re here. Good luck with everything.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much! Rachel, if you’d like to participate in my SWOS challenge, you can take this post and write up your own version of it! It is totally and completely up to you, and you know I will be sitting on my computer assiduously waiting for Rachel’s new post 🙂 I would love to hear what you have to say.

        Liked by 1 person

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